01 Nov Drinking Problem: Seastone of Delray Blog
“When a Drinking Problem Isn’t the Problem – Wade Seeing the World All Wrong”
Written by Kirk Markey October 31, 2016
Last week, a drinking problem had just put Wade’s life on hold. This time out, we’ll see that Wade’s life was
something that never got started. We’ll see how misperceptions placed Wade in a false prison long before he showed signs of a drinking problem.
The Walled City
Isolation comes first, then the drinking problem. For Wade, alcoholism was the effect of his condition, not its cause. The cause was loneliness. Wade had always felt walled off from the world, as if nothing in it could ever reach him. This included other people, even his family and closest friends. They seemed otherworldly, like beings from a happier dimension. Everyone else was carefree, while the slightest ripple made Wade uncomfortable.
In short, Wade felt different from others. This, more than anything, marked him for alcoholism. He felt like an alien with a human mask. He was frightened by what he thought he was, disgusted even. But being exposed was the worst fear of all. From his teenage years on, Wade lived in hidden terror. The idea that someone might pull off his human mask was unbearable. As a result, Wade began to close in on himself.
The Drinking Solution
As a monster, Wade was convinced he had monstrous needs. In reality, these needs were quite normal – love,
companionship, a place in the world. But to Wade, they were embarrassing, a source of shame. He thoughthe should be self contained, capable of fulfilling his needs all by himself. And any failure to do so was pathetic. This was another cause of his drinking problem.
Eventually, Wade came to live in a false prison, one with imaginary bars and a fictional warden. No one else saw anything strange about him, except a tendency to sulk when he made a mistake. But on the inside, Wade was in agony. His mind was a terrible place, a snake pit where every thought was about how to get what he needed. The very same needs that Wade tried to deny began to consume him.
By the time Wade started drinking, he could only think of himself. The first time Wade got drunk was the best moment of his life. Alcohol did not fill his needs, but it did succeed in eliminating them. Wade was completely alone. He grew to be comfortable only in drunken solitude. He quickly showed signs of a drinking problem. But drinking wasn’t a problem, it was the perfect solution. And this seemed quite natural to him, as if there were no other way to be.